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Anti $h1tpost toilet unveiled

Employers around the world are on notice as workers hold their breath and bowels to see if their workplace will install the new toilet from a British firm called StandardToilet.  This toilet features a downward slope of 13 degrees designed to make the user feel as if they are in a squat.  Sit on the toilet for any longer than 5 minutes and expect to feel some discomfort, the maker says.  Surely this will keep people off the phone and in the cube, right?

This news comes on the heels of the infamous smell check post, wherein an employer posted someone would conduct, “a smell check,”  if an employee was in the restroom for more than 10 minutes to see if they were on their phone, and those who were deemed not using the restroom as evidenced by smell would be reported to management.  This takes brown nosing to a new level.

I understand employers wanting to increase productivity, but ruining the only break many lower level employees who do not smoke get is not the answer.  Perhaps recognizing employees for exemplary job performance or adherence to the attendance policy would do the same thing.

In a slight coincidence, our source material was written by an author with the last name “Brown.”


Works Cited:

Brown, S. (2019, December 18). This slanted toilet might be the meanest attempt to decrease smartphone usage so far. Retrieved from


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